Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Week 22

So, I have been feeling great lately.  I have gotten a lot more energy.  I started cooking again...(like I said earlier that my husband knows he gets cereal for dinner when I am in my first trimester...this pregnancy, it lasted a little longer since I was so sick.)  I have been trying to keep up with blog posts, work, keeping the house clean, the kids school schedules/projects, Elli's dance class, Jake's speech therapy play group (more on this in a minute), planning birthday parties, helping with the community association, laundry, etc....wow, that's exhausting just thinking about my growing to-do list! 
So, a few weeks ago, I had my 20 week sonogram.  I had it at 18 weeks, we found out we are having a girl...but we didn't get any good face pictures and more importantly for the doctors - they didn't get to see the heart.  So, I have a cardiac sonogram tomorrow.  The good news is that I have been feeling much better about the baby.  I have started to feel some consistent movement...but here is what I wrote a few weeks ago.  I was going to submit this to BabyCenter, but I thought it was too dreary and down...
Why am I nervous?
I am 20 weeks pregnant and have felt very little movement.  I think or I know, rather, that I drive myself crazy.  I don't know what goes on up in my head that the older I get, the more I worry.  I let all the little things worry me that didn't before.  I have 3 healthy children, I started off this pregnancy being very healthy, I had just lost 40 pounds, we eat lots of whole grains, fruits and vegetables, and my yearly physical exam was great.  My mother had a miscarriage at 26 weeks; needless to say, she had to have a DNC.  I always seem to hold my breath up until that point.  And, I don't really get EXCITED about the current pregnancy for fear of losing the baby.  Fear of growing attached and then being completely devastated or worse – heartbroken.  I had a girlfriend who recently lost a baby at 16 weeks.  At my ultrasound at 18 weeks, I saw the baby, we heard the heartbeat, and the tech said the baby was moving a lot.  So, why don't I feel it?  I haven't gained that much weight, they couldn't see the 4 chambers of the heart, and these are the things I worry about.  It feels like an eternity since my last appointment.  4 weeks is now an eternity.  I lie on my side and try to feel something…but I don't.  Am I just crazy???
But, while I will still hold my breath until after 26 weeks, I am feeling much much better.  At my last appointment I scheduled 3 or 4 appointments down the road and at the end, we were already into December and at the 2 week interval appointments...crazy.
The good news is that fall is here and now I can start wearing leggings and jeans, I love fall...I do not love the freezing cold, but jeans and a sweatshirt is my combo!  Also, I have YET to have to switch to maternity clothes.  I wore my size 8 old navy jeans this past weekend...that has got to be a record for me.  I know with the boys I think I had to buy size 12 or even 14 just so my muffin top wouldn't hang over :(  So, I am hoping I don't gain too much more weight (although I've only gained about 8 pounds so far...)  Fingers crossed...less I gain, less I will have to lose.
Let me talk about the kids...
Jake - ugh, his first speech therapy playgroup with Miss Kandy was horrible.  He cried the ENTIRE time.  So much that she told me to just take him home.  Poor guy...I think it is because we are at the church and everytime we drop him off at the church daycare, he cries until he falls asleep.  He is having some serious separation issues at that church.  Later on in the day, when I dropped him off at Miss Kirby's house while I went and helped at Elli's school, he was totally fine, happy as a clam, didn't even look back at me. 
Hank - he is a trooper right now.  He says the funniest things to me and mimicks me, it is too hysterical.  When I get upset with him about something he did, he has this devilish look and he tell me it was an accident.  I know those big brown eyes and dimples are going to help me to enable him down the road...I just know it.
Elli - she had her second dance class this week at SBe Dance Company.  Sabrina Koepke Benko is the owner.  I went to HS with her and she is actually Elli's teacher.  Daniel took her last night, but me, my mom and Daniel made her show us her moves when she got home and I have to say that it was quite hilarious to watch Daniel try and do ballet moves.  So adorable:)  I should have video-taped it.  Next time...
We had a big weekend last weekend - our anniversary, Cousin Aiden's 4th birthday party down in BFE, Virginia, Becky's surprise birthday party on Sunday with a big Redskins win (woo hoo!)!! 
Anyway, hope everyone has a great week.  DADT is now non-existent and I say thank goodness!  It is about time!  I hope that those still serving can get some peace and their partners get some benefits now.  It is ridiculous that Clinton's policy was in place for so long...

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