My life in sweatpants...

The past week has been tough on me...

I have been a little more of an emotional train wreck than normal:)  First, last Saturday I was down and out with strep throat.  That was HORRIBLE!  I couldn't swallow, breathe, could barely sit up.  I hate being sick, because I really don't get a chance to lie in bed and recover.  Daniel wasn't much help either.  He kept bringing me a screaming baby to feed, let the kids make the BIGGEST mess EVER!  He kept the older two outside, but there was so much that I needed to be done inside, that it just made me even more pissed that I was sick, but still had to empty the dishwasher, and do laundry.

My husband makes me so happy in a million different ways....BUT, helping out around the house is not one of them.  Sometimes I wish I could just let the toys and crap pile up, so he would trip over something in the middle of the night or he would see what would happen if I just let it all go.  I am so not designed to just let things go...I can't stand it when the kids take out more than one toy at a time.  I sometimes feel like I am the meanest mommy in the world because I want them to clean up, so I hide toys and put things away just so I don't have to do all the cleaning up.  Jake drives me INSANE!!!  Seriously, INSANE.  All he does is DUMP toys.  And, it drives me nuts!  Daniel doesn't care, he can be surrounded by toys and trash and it doesn't bother him...is it because he knows I can't stand it and I will not let it sit and fester.  I think I clean up toys about 50% of my day with the kids.  It is these days that I cannot wait to get back to work.

Another thing that is hard is that Daniel didn't even ask if I was okay last weekend.  He didn't come in to check on me to see if I needed anything.  Is my husband the only one who does this?  Is there some sensitivity training that he can attend or a normal husband that can talk some sense into him?  He finished the toilet paper in our bathroom, and I asked him to get some more and he made me feel like I was asking him to move a mountain.  I mean, seriously....and then he only brings ONE freaking roll, when our dispenser holds 5.  I mean, I just look at that as lazy!  Maybe he should have gone to military school.  Ugh...So, needless to say, I was  pretty much in tears all of Sunday and the majority of Monday.  And, then he doesn't want to talk about anything, and he definitely doesn't want to talk about anything in front of the kids...well, sorry, he isn't really helping me in that department either.  Lately, all he does is come home from work, eat dinner and then pass out on the recliner.  I can't remember the last time he went to bed in our bed.  This is NOT normal and I hate it.  So, he basically knows that I will make dinner, clean up dinner, bathe the kids and put them to bed all while trying to breastfeed a new baby...I mean, I know that I can handle a lot, but I thought this was a partnership.  Needless to say I had a meltdown on him on Sunday and Monday.  And, I am up half the night with Emma - either feeding her, changing her, making sure she is warm.

So, now I am trying to simplify my life by getting rid of the toys and crap that I don't need.  This is so hard for me...but hopefully my girlfriend Ellen or my friend Jen (who cleans my house) will be able to help me in the near future.

Anyway, that was my week this past week.  I actually put on jeans on Wednesday for Emma's newborn photo shoot and on Thursday to visit my coworkers.  But, the rest of the time I am running late and barely hanging on - dressed in sweatpants.  I should rename my blog - My Life in Sweats...because that is what I am usually dressed in.

Superbowl is this weekend.  I am rooting for the Giants.  I am starting Weight Watchers on Monday.  I have to find our scale so I can start weighing myself.  I would like to be back down to my lifetime weight by the time I go back to work.  I think I have 12 pounds to go...

I think my parents and I are going to help be each other's motivators.  It is easier to do it with someone, and Daniel will just lose weight by eating the dinners I cook.  Should be interesting!

Have a great weekend....sorry about the Debbie Downer post...but I needed to get somethings off my chest.

4 days out - my worst fear

Induction Day is scheduled for 18 January.
Last appointment I was +23 pounds...I don't know how I keep going up and down in weight - it must be what I am wearing that day.
Last weekend, I had my maternity photo shoot and I it was COLD, but so fun!  I got a few jumps on the trampoline - finally!  And the kids definitely told the photographer that I was going to pee my pants.  They were, unfortunately, right.  I had to do an outfit change after the jumping.  Well worth it for the pics!

My doctor, Dr. Luecke, told me at my appointment about a woman who came into labor & delivery with her 4th pregnancy and she wanted her epidural, but she was already 7cm and the doctor told her too bad, it was too late.  THIS IS MY BIGGEST FEAR!

I was 3cm dilated at my last appointment and I have never really felt a contraction.  SERIOUSLY!  I haven't really even had braxton-hicks.  I am not sure if that is lucky or what...but right now I'm fearful!  It keeps me up at night.  Every weird pain or feeling, I'm not sure if it's a contraction.  What if I'm the woman who comes into the hospital 7cm and no epidural.  That would be TERRIBLE!!!  HORRIBLE!!!
I know that women do it all the time and I respect those women...but I just want my normal medicated, easy labor and delivery...why try and do it the natural way NOW!?!?  I have very fond memories of my 3 other deliveries - with Elli I was nervous, but it was great, Hank's I specifically remember it being the season premiere of Grey's Anatomy and I remember asking the anesthesiologist if we could turn the TV up so I wouldn't miss anything.  With Jake, the Redskins were on and they were actually beating up on Dallas.  So, you see, I just want my normal labor and delivery that I have had with the past 3 pregnancies.

So, yesterday, I was annoyed with the boys' bedroom set up, so I felt that I HAD to move the furniture (2 beds and a small dresser) while Jake was napping.  Hank sort of helped, but I am definitely in the mode where I am not waiting for Daniel because a) he usually falls asleep when he gets home, after he eats and b) I have ZERO patience right now, ZERO!

We are going to attempt to go to Ikea today and get some dressers for the boys' room and for Emma's room.  Her crib isn't even set up yet...but the pack and play in our room is - is this a bad sign already???  I also noticed yesterday that I have no baby clothes for her.  But, thank goodness, my cousin Lauren saved her stuff...this is my saving grace right now.  I went through all the stuff I saved for Elli, but since she was born in June, everything is short sleeved.  Like, I said, thank goodness for Lauren!  She is a life saver - Lauren, if you are reading this - THANK YOU!!!  (consider that your thank you note as I haven't written one since before June - sorry).

We are also going to try and stop and see Nana and Pop-Pop.  We haven't seen them since Christmas Eve.  So, this will probably be the last visit for a couple of weeks...because everyone knows that I hibernate in my house during this time of year and it will probably be freezing and unless I have to take a kid to school or activity, I am content at home.

Oh, I lost my mucous plug this morning - I know this doesn't mean much, bc you regrow one every 24 hours or something like that, but it was still exciting!!!

Alright, very random post today...sorry, my brain is in a million different places - nesting, organizing, TRYING to get a grip on all the toys in my house....ugh!

Also, I found a new blog obsession and this woman has been all over Facebook, but her blogs are hysterical and I find that I can totally relate to her.  And, she has an interesting name - Glennon.  If you haven't read her or heard about her, please do.  I especially like the Target blog with the sports bra and gym and also the one where she takes her kids to the doctor for various things and one time they tell her that her son's eyes look crossed because he is part-Asian.  It is really funny!!!

House Update

So, I went last week to turn over a check for the Grading Permit Bond. While there I found out that we owe another $13k in building fees until we get our permit. Today, our engineer, Doug, should be meeting with the soil conservation guy to get that signed off and then we get our grading permit. One step closer...

I am hoping that we will be in the house by spring...keep your fingers crossed!

On a completely separate note. One of my best friends, Siobhan and her fiance, just decided on a wedding date - August 23rd! They will be getting married up in Taneytown (pronounced Tawneytown), MD. The place is called the Antrium and it is gorgeous. We are so excited for her and Jason. I can't wait!!!

So excited!!!

I just got off the phone with the Anne Arundel county permit office and there are only two items we need to have approved before we get our building permit. These two items are the grading permit and soil conservation approval. The soil conservation agency already approved our plans a year ago and is just waiting for the grading approval. All the grading permit agency is waiting for is a big check from us, of course...the county really gets it's money...It seems so redundant. So, we are almost there!!! Thursday morning after Elli's morning nap, she and I will be going to Sun Trust to get our certified check and marching our behinds over to the county permit office to hand over the money! I am going to post some pictures of what our house is going to look like, the plans, and the kitchen island with the bar.


External view, First Floor - but, I redesigned the kitchen (see above)to have a different island, and Second Floor. 5 bedrooms, 3.5 baths, and a huge garage and attic.